Reputation or Friendship?

Its funny how people can be consumed entirely by the opinions of people who they have no relationship with. This past weekend, I have seen how some people on this earth would be so quick to toss a friendship out the window, rather than see their reputation (which by the way is determined by people who again, they have no relationship and could just as easily be called strangers) destroyed. Its ok though, as hurtful as that can be when you find your "so-called" friends turning their backs on you, you realize that they could have never been your friend in the first place to have the ability to abandon a friendship so easily. In the long wrong, you really are better without them.

Well I plan to do 2 entries today. One to go over the events that i've been dealing with this weekend, and another which I consider to be my start to moving on.

Lets start with many many months ago. One of my LS members, Soulstar had made a request to try and camp an NM called Shikigami. He was I think in his 50's at the time, but he wanted to get the drop, "YinYang Robe" which is an uber SMN piece, knocked out of the way. He had asked a few of us to wake up very early that one morning, and I remember being there extremely cranky because it had been so early on a weekend and I really like to sleep in on my weekends. But, knowing what this item meant to him and that he'd probably do the same for me I woke up early and headed out. Unfortunately that camping session failed miserably, because we really weren't prepared. See the thing with this NM is when he spawns, he's invisible. The only way to make him appear, is to cast magic and aggro him. The problem? There's weapons and golems all around the area, which all aggro to magic = suicide.

So anyways, Soul had gone /rng to be able to pick up Shiki on wide scan when he popped, but because he didn't have a map... we weren't really able to have a clear position on where to try casting in order to aggro Shiki. In the end, myself and the others who had gone to help ended up dying as we kited a train load of mobs, that weren't Shikigami. Another group had gotten the claim. At that point, Soulstar said he'd wait until he was closer to lvl 71 to equip the piece, and get it.

Fast forward to last week. Another LS member of ours, Myrrh had raised his SMN and was now the same lvl as Soulstar. Both were lvl 70. Myrrh decided to try and get the YYR and had mentioned it to our LS so that we could help him. He had been having trouble with his endgame LS being helpful, and according to his rant about them... they would even "ignore" him in LS when he brought the subject up. He spoke about them in a very negative way, giving us the impression that this LS wouldn't help Myrrh for whatever reasons, and wouldn't even awknowledge his request because he never even got a "I'm sorry i'm busy" response. He mentioned it wasn't until later when another popular member of their endgame shell said he needed the YYR, that the LS said they would help. So in other words, they would help this guy (Jyakotsu) but not Myrrh? Not being able to confirm this, but taking Myrrh's word we believed this LS wasn't very "lets help each other" and so many of us assured Myrrh we, TheBrotherhood could be depended on and would help him get his item.

In fact, it was one morning when I was on that I had heard through /tell Myrrh saying he wasn't getting any luck on Shiki, and everyone had ignored him. I didn't have anything to do, and wanted to help him so while Myrrh was doing some of his endgame stuff I gathered up some LS members and asked if they could come help Myrrh. I went out of my way to get a group ready for him, as a favor. He's helped me before, so of course I wanted to do what I could to help him.

So we headed out there, and waited for Shiki to pop. There were other campers there, but luckily we got claim and Xean who had also logged on to help tanked Shiki. Sadly though, we didn't get the drop. But it was ok, because all of us who were present said we'd continue trying, thats what TheBrotherhood does for its members, we help each other until we get the job done.

By this time, Soulstar had become aware that Myrrh was starting to camp Shiki and wanted to help and do a "LS YYR Camp" event so that we could get all our SMNs in our LS a YYR. We currently have 3 that are 70+, so it would be nice to get them their gear. As Soulstar even said, "lets pimp our SMNs!". This clearly shows his intent to see all 3 of them with the item.

So after that point, Soulstar followed up a few times and also camped Shiki. He had woken up at least on 2 occasions to confirm the ToD (because the time would have been too early to get LS members to come out) and corrected the predicted spawn times that Myrrh had originally posted on our forum. Both were putting in effort to getting the YYR and the TBH LS members were also there everytime possible when one of the two SMNs would go out to camp. I hadn't been available as much as I wanted to, but I had promised that the weekend would be easier for me to show because I had no other in game commitments.

Fast forward to thursday night. In LS, we hear Soulstar asking around if anyone is available to help camp Shiki. I hadn't noticed Myrrh in LS that night, so I figured he was doing endgame or just not online (I never bothered to search him). I had told Soul that unfortunately me and Xean were in xp party, so we couldn't come out but again assured him that on Saturday night we'd be there if he didn't have it by then. A few other members luckily were available, and they headed out there to help him out.

Well the next thing I notice in LS chat, is one of our members asking why Soulstar hasn't lotted. First thing I thought then was "oh gawd, the item drops and he goes afk!". But right after, someone else mentions that Myrrh has lotted a 27 and that Soulstar isn't lotting. So at that point, me and Xean both told Soulstar through /tell that he should take his lot. I mean, if you helped and you need the item, you are entitled to a lot right? That's fair.

But what we didn't know, is that when the camping session had first begun Myrrh had asked if he could get the drop first, and that Soulstar pass. Soulstar agreed to this and myself and Xean didn't know. If we had known, we would not have encouraged him to lot because it wouldn't be right for him to go back on his word. He would need to talk things out with Myrrh because they had made an agreement. But, because he was feeling pressured and there probably wasn't much time remaining, he lotted. Because he hadn't first asked or confirmed with Myrrh that he could go back on his decision to give Myrrh priority, technically it was what is called a "ninja lot". Of course this little detail about the agreement wasn't made known to me or Xean at first. Had it been known, we would of questioned why someone was asking for priority in the first place. I mean that right there is kind of greedy in itself. When I go to camp an NM and another LS member also needs the item, and is there to help... we lot, and the highest wins. Then, we make an effort to do the same thing again to get the person who didn't win, their item too. Why not let luck determine who gets the item first?

Anyways, the next thing I remember is hearing that Soulstar was being attacked. Again at this time, I didn't know about the agreement and hearing that it was Jyakotsu giving him crap, I immediately sent Jya a /tell asking why he was harassing Soulstar. The responses I got were completely hostile and the tone very aggressive. He asked "so you condone ninja lotting?" and then when I tried to tell him that Soulstar had every right to lot he threatened he was going to take this to the QCDN flame board, which he did. I told him to bring it, because I had no clue an agreement had been made.

It wasn't until talking with Soulstar through /tell that he mentioned he felt bad because he had previously told Myrrh the first drop was his. So right then and there, I knew this was going to turn ugly. I immediately apologized to Soulstar for having encouraged him to lot, because I felt I had pressured him to do so and guilty. I really wouldn't have encouraged him but rather questioned him had I know about the agreement. And then I also ended up talking to Myrrh and apologized to him for what ended up happening, because everything was turning ugly and I felt bad. Mistakes had been made and the first thing I had to do was apologize, I felt responsible for Soulstar's actions. Then I really wanted to try and get a solution and get everyone calmed down. I didn't want to see anyone upset.

Well as soon as I went to QCDN and saw the flame on me and Xean, people had already judged us. We were snakes, and according to Jyakotsu we had plotted all along to make Soulstar lot for the item. No matter how many times I said the truth, people would tell me I was lying, I was spewing BS and basically the entire community had turned against me. I did try explaining my side of the story, but when that happened every piece of information was twisted and Jyakotsu with his mission to tear me down took every possible jab at me and exaggerated everything. He claimed i'd called him this and that, claimed he had screenshots to prove this and that, and I think after his first 1-3 posts I just started ignoring what he had to say because I didn't think he was humanly capable of talking things and hearing a person out.

Then Xean posted and defended his view on the subject. This of course, was also taken in the wrong way and I swear sometimes those people feed on negativity that it wouldn't matter what you said... they would find a way to turn it against you and mean something bad just so that they can continue to have reason to despise you. Such angry people, I kinda pity them if they need to hate others. Anyways, Xean had posted that the reason he had been wanting to make sure Soulstar had his lot was because he didn't feel Soulstar should be trusting of Myrrh... and truth is, with an NM that requires this much work I think you could doubt that most people would be willing to continue putting effort into killing it a second time, once they got their item. Xean feared that if Soulstar didn't take an opportunity to lot, and that Myrrh won, Myrrh would eventually stop helping. And he based that off of a few things, which he had gone to explain. One of the reasons ended up being proven to be a joke, but there were still other little things that proved Myrrh wasn't a saint so Xean's opinion wasn't entirely false. I personally am more trusting, and wouldn't have been thinking that Myrrh would slowly stop putting as much effort to help camp Shiki after getting the item, but then again i'm always the one getting stepped on and being taken advantage of. Xean on the other hand? Nope, he's cautious and doesn't take chances, and as a result he's never been taken advantage of. Now thats not to say that Myrrh was without a doubt going to take advantage, but if Xean had an opinion he's entitled to that. And as a friend, he wanted to make sure Soulstar wasn't being too trusting either and possibly make a mistake.

But the entire community took this as "Xean hates Myrrh and just didn't want him to get the YYR". That doesn't really make sense considering that Xean had already helped Myrrh ONLY once already on this, and had already signed up to help on the weekend. It also doesn't make sense for him to hate Myrrh and be able to joke around and talk like he always has with Myrrh. Xean might have opinions, he might not agree with people's actions but he NEVER lets that affect how he treats a person. And nothing in his past history with Myrrh can ever prove he hated Myrrh, instead it proves the opposite. They were friends. Xean just didn't necessarily trust him to be consistently helpful with an NM once he got what he needed from it, but so what? You can be friends in RL with people who you might not trust to leave alone in your home, I know many people that do that. But that's a trust issue, and Myrrh didn't try to disprove it when Xean brought that to him, instead he gave the silence treatment.

Moving on, the very next day Xean did his best to be home early from school and Soulstar was also online. Both had sent Myrrh /tells asking if they were needed to help, because they wanted to ensure that Myrrh had a YYR. They wanted to make up for the event that went bad the day before, and felt that by offering help would be a start. However, they were both ignored and never got a response.

Even I got the same treatment. I had told Myrrh and Soulstar prior to all this happening, that Friday I had Sky and would NOT be able to help. However, on Friday as I was heading up to sky I noticed Myrrh was camping the NM and I would be passing through. My Sky alliance hadn't yet formed, and I figured I had at least 10 minutes before I'd need to be up there. So I sent Myrrh a /tell and told him if the NM was expected to pop in the next 10 minutes, I could help because I was passing through.

Guess how this got twisted over QCDN...

"I have 10 minutes to help, take it or leave it". Lol. Yeah, just shows that people need to twist things because if they accept the truth of it, they can't continue to hate you and bash you. And the truth was, I wanted to take an opportunity while I had it, to help. I was denied that chance.

I've tried posting on QCDN 3 times, apologizing and explaining everything but everytime I do, i'm told what I say is wrong. I'm told I haven't yet apologized, (do people even read my posts?) that I feel no remorse and that I have done nothing to make up for it. Hell even Myrrh is now saying this, and its evident that he just doesn't want to accept the truth because then he has no reason to be angry anymore. They have nothing. So they continue to call us names, and tell us we're just calling a BS story because without that they can't continue and I guess they have nothing better to do with their time, so they need this. Kinda sad.

I think what the most disappointing thing i've seen so far, are the people that I once called friends suddenly turn their backs. They're so worried about what others, are going to think of them. Lol, I mean just Friday night me and Xean were laughing and helping PL Inari, and the next day he tells us he's going to have nothing to do with us anymore. That was a shocking one, but I guess all it really means is that there wasn't a friendship there to begin with, because friends don't give up like that. Then there are a few people that like I expected, go with the rest of the flock. All they care about is the attention they get. I just lol at them. I lol at the people that fall for their fakeness too. Thats when I like to say "karma will bite you in the ass". I wait for that day, I don't have to do anything because i'm sure it'll happen on its own.

At this point though, i'm done. I've banned Myrrh from my LS forum because he has repeatedly said how he wouldn't come back to our "shitty" ls. Oh yeah, did I mention he's called out everyone in the LS? People who respected him? People who had nothing to do with this incident? Yeah well he just made a fool of himself, so many people were really supportive of him at first and after seeing how backstabbing he can be to good people... well they saw him for what he truly is.

Its funny, just this morning I was reminded about one event that actually did prove Myrrh's greediness. A long while ago, a friend of ours was leaving the game. He had WW 100+3, and had invited LS members to a goodbye party. He was planning on handing out some HQ staves if he could make them during the event, and he did this. But when he started handing them out, there were a few people that suddenly let that greed over an item take control and you could see it how they spoke trying to be the first to get the HQ staves he was giving away free. I remember one of our LS members being so disgusted and upset about it, because he felt that the members cared more about the HQ staves then the friend who was leaving... that he ended up logging out. I remember the names that had been mentioned though, the members he had felt were being greedy and Myrrh was among them and i'd have to say i'd agree. During that event, mostly everyone was all "OH ME ME! PICK ME! I WANT THE HQ STAFF!" including Myrrh.

Anyways that is probably going to be my only rant on the topic. After having a full 16hrs + yesterday helping out my friends that have more integrity and loyalty as well as just a brain period... I know i'm done wasting my time on people that don't matter. If they want to judge me, they can. Truth is, they don't know me so they can think all they want. And if they want to judge harshly, well I just laugh because maybe they do so to forget about their own mistakes in life that might be worse than this. I only need to prove myself to the people I care about, and aren't quick to slam the door. And lucky for me, its those people that have already looked into what they know about who I am, as well as Xean and Soulstar to know the truth. The game is likely going to be a bit harder to get through now, but I never really needed a lot outside my LS to begin with so its not as bad and i'm just going to continue playing having fun.